MY MONDAYS PART 5

Three months in, I'm still accompanying my friend to his Narcotics Anonymous meeting on Monday night.

A different sort of wingman, I suppose, I'm ever learning about the road to recovery for a drug addict.

Last night, the discussion centered on the concept of a higher power, on the concept of God. 

One young man shared this story that I will try to paraphrase. 

"When I began NA about five weeks ago, I sat at this table and heard talk of a higher power who serves as a reminder that we don't have control over everything, especially our addiction. Some spoke of prayers, meditation, and self-reflection as ways to get in touch with this life force, this all-caring presence. All spoke of honesty, humility, and openness. 

Now, I've always considered myself to be the smartest person in the room and I kept thinking to myself, are these God-people delusional?"

But then a few weeks went by and I began to see a pattern. Those "delusional" people were the ones picking up key tags for 6 months, 6 years or even 24 years of sobriety. That couldn't be a coincidence.

And so, I decided to give the God thing a whirl. Every morning, I'd say a little prayer that I have a successful day and guess what? Gradually my cravings diminished. No, they didn't all go away, my relapse last weekend evidence that I have a long way to go. But I think I'm on the right path. I think I get it.

As I look around the room tonight, I'm no longer cynical about God or a higher power. Although you still won't find me in a church or even on my knees for that matter, I do realize that something very good is happening here. A higher power is recognized and appreciated here. God is at work here.

Just maybe I was the delusional one five weeks ago. Certainly, I'm aware now that I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, not by a longshot.

I am learning, I am growing, I am grateful.

I'm still not quite a believer but I'm getting there."