Raising four kids is no easy task and Terry did it masterfully. I was just there as the entertainment coordinator, the chauffeur to games and music lessons and the homework help centre.
Most parents rely on a book or prevailing philosophy to help them with this task. For my parents, it was Dr. Benjamin Spock. His rigid scheduling dictums had me outside in my carriage on the coldest of days getting some fresh air. I guess that’s why the winter is my favourite season.
Terry’s parenting reference book was by Dr. Rudolf Dreikurs and she relied heavily on his theory of natural and logical consequences. For example, if one of our girls didn’t keep her room in order, mom was not going to help her find that missing notebook or hair clip, a natural consequence. If shoes were left in the front hall and not the cupboard, then a logical consequence was the shoe owner was on dish detail that night. Good parenting, according to Dr. Dreikurs, was all about teaching children the consequences of their actions.
To a certain extent, I applied Dr. Dreikurs’ philosophy to my classroom as well. The natural consequence of not applying oneself in class was a poor mark on the test. The logical consequence of disruptive behavior in class was my uncompromising glare or an immediate reprimand. About six years ago, I had an experience with a student and his family that reinforced my faith in Dr. Dreikurs. Albert W was an underachiever, a young man who didn’t seem to trust that I was his facilitator, not his adversary. Albert finished his Grade 12 Calculus course in June with a mark of 42%. I made the necessary phone call to convey the news to Albert and within the hour, both his parents were at my classroom door. They were devastated by the mark, especially because Albert had been accepted conditionally at the University of Ottawa in a business program.
“Why are you failing my son?” his mother demanded.
“Don’t you see, this mark is standing in the way of his acceptance into a fine university program,” his dad insisted.
I tried in vain to explain that a mark of 42% was the result of a failing term and examination mark for the course.
“Why are you taking away our son’s future?” the mom now ranted.
All of a sudden, it was my fault. Albert was a victim of the harsh assessment of an unfeeling teacher. I wanted to haul out Dr. Dreikurs’ book about the consequences of poor study habits but realized that Albert’s parents weren’t here for a psychology lesson. They were here for a passing grade.
Had I been a first year teacher, I might have been swayed by the emotion of the moment. However, I realized that I had to take a stand. I had been scrupulous in marking Albert’s exam and his result was consistent with his overall effort for the year. I couldn’t change the mark. Albert would not be getting a free pass. I suggested that they contact the registrar at the university and ask if his acceptance could be based on his summer school mark for the course.
The father, sensing my resoluteness, came at me from a different tact.
“Do you have any kids? What if your son had a similar grade? Wouldn’t you be fighting for his grade too?”
“I probably would but I would also try to respect the teacher’s final judgment on the matter,” I replied creatively. Certainly not the answer he wanted to hear.
In desperation, Albert’s mother blurted, “Well, we’re just going to sit here until you change your mind.” Too bad she didn’t know that I had a good bladder and that my car in the repair shop that day wouldn’t be ready for three more hours.
I felt sorry for them as they finally broke camp. But, I felt I had made the right decision.
Fast forward 18 months.
“Hey sir, remember me?” I heard someone call.
I was shopping in Loblaws on Rideau St. in downtown Ottawa. Our daughter Janice had recently moved to Sandy Hill to work at Health Canada.
“Hey sir, it’s Albert. Remember me?”
I put down my bag of Doritos to shake his outstretched hand.
“Good to see you,” I replied tentatively.
A wonderful story ensued. Albert explained that his parents had called the registrar at Ottawa U. and they had held his acceptance contingent on his summer school Calculus mark. Albert was proud to share that he achieved 80% in the course as a result of some honest effort. He said the experience of failing had changed his perspective, that up to that point he’d been backsliding. He said he was enjoying his program at the university and was thinking about working on an MBA.
I felt vindicated for holding my ground with Albert’s parents and was proud of his apparent success.
I guess a free pass isn’t always the best thing after all!
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