THE TWILIGHT ZONE

I never really liked English as a high school subject. Shakespeare was a foreign language to me and poetry like a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle. For a kid who was used to getting his answers from the back of a math book, the idea of searching for the meaning in a play or poem was too much like hard work despite the encouragement of wonderful teachers like Neil Gazeley, Jim Barry and Father Clem Kambeitz.

Maybe I could be excused for my resistance to reading in general because of my lack of exposure to English texts from Grades 1 to 4. Growing up in Montreal, my Dad insisted that I go to a French school so when we moved to Toronto when I was ten, my favourite series of books was Les Aventures de Tintin and the only English books I knew contained children’s nursery rhymes. Imagine my delight when I listened to my first English novel, Around the World in Eighty Days, as read to my Grade 6 class by Mrs. Piggott at St. Gabriel’s.

I avoided reading literature as much as possible in high school but I do remember The Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad in Grade 11. I don’t recall much about the plot except for Kurtz’s famous line, ‘the horror, the horror.’ It really didn’t mean much to me especially when my idea of a great calamity at the time was a Montreal Canadiens’ loss to the Maple Leafs.

However, this battle with cancer does at times feel like ‘the horror’. Not a horror like Friday the 13th but something more like Rod Serling’s Twilight Zone. Serling’s 1959 legendary introduction to his science fiction TV series seems so apt to me as a cancer patient.

“You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension, a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. You’re moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You’ve just crossed over into… the Twilight Zone.”

When I first learned I had cancer, the reality of the news was crushing. A door is unlocked to a new set of possibilities that seem unfathomable. On that point, Mr. Serling is bang on. Your imagination does take over, especially at 3 o’clock in the morning. The possibility of losing the good fight takes hold and the fear factor tries to penetrate your core. Make no mistake about it, this indeed can be a land of shadow and darkness especially when going through something like cancer.

At the outset of this current round of chemo, I felt this would be the easiest round ever. Needless to say, it has been one of the toughest as my adversary has kept me off balance with a mix of malaise, sleep deprivation and the false hope of an easy victory. I’m not prepared to concede ROUND 5 to CANCER yet but it has been a ruthless opponent.

My only advice for anyone going through a similar trial is to surround yourself with life, be it the laughter of children, the soft voice of your beloved, a warm hug, a beautiful sunrise, a good card game, the vitality of teenagers, a funny story, a friendly phone call. Let as much light shine in your life as possible.

Yes we can take on the dark side….and, with God’s providence, we can prevail.

  When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said,

“I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will

never walk in darkness, but have the light of life.”

John 8:12