HEIST OR HOAX

I’ve been feeling a little guilty these days.

Last week’s news that thieves sapped Quebec’s reserves of maple syrup makes me wonder if my recent blog about how awesome it is to eat maple syrup with peanut butter instigated this theft.

But then again, my four years of Jesuit high school training and my ability to solve most Murder She Wrote reruns leads me to think that there’s a lot about this thievery that just doesn’t add up.

First… Why would crooks steal 3.75 million litres of maple syrup or enough to fill one and a half Olympic sized swimming pools? Sure it goes well with peanut butter but…

Two…. Police report that the thieves broke through the locks and a fence into an industrial location and siphoned the sappy substance into their own barrels. By my calculation, if 160 litres equals one barrel, then somehow these guys managed to lug out about 23,000 barrels of syrup. How unlikely is that? Did they simply disappear after the heist á la Michael Ignatieff?

Three…And where would crooks round up 23,000 empty barrels? Don’t think Home Depot or Lowe’s carry that many.

Four…The robbery was discovered during a routine inventory check at the St. Louis-de-Blandford warehouse in Quebec. If true, I think this particular St.Louis must be the patron saint of poor security. After all, don’t you think authorities would have used more than a chain link fence and an Acme padlock to protect this 30 million dollar asset?

Five…Apparently, the robbery has now depleted the “global strategic maple syrup reserve.” Now, do you really think Canada has such a global strategic reserve? If indeed we do, then I suppose we must also have a Tim Horton’s coffee reserve, a Canadian back bacon reserve and a Celine Dion record reserve.

Hate to sound cynical but I really don’t think there was any robbery at all. In fact, I believe it’s just the maple syrup folks way of creating an artificial crisis to jack up prices.

And so, from now on, think I’ll switch to eating my peanut butter with BeeHive Corn Syrup, Mike 2.0’s strategic maple syrup substitute.