Sometimes, interaction with an answering machine is much simpler than with a real person.
Let me explain.
My mom’s failing health and her need to be closer to family has precipitated her decision to come and live with us permanently starting in November. It was a big decision for mom and signals the end of her time at the Villa in Midland.
The intent of my call to Bell Canada this morning was to cancel my mother’s telephone line.
“Could I have the account number sir?” asked a woman who sounded a lot like Angela Lansbury.
“Oh, that account is in a different name than yours,” she continued. “It says the account is in Neil’s name.”
“That’s my dad," I responded."Although he died 24 years ago, my mom never changed the name on the account.”
I tried to sound contrite.
“But why does her bill go to you?” she pressed on, now in detective mode.
“Her statement comes to my house because my mother is blind,” I explained patiently.
“Did you know that misrepresenting an account like this is a criminal offence?” Angela suggested blithely.
“Listen,” I lobbed back, “if you want to send me to jail over this, make sure you put me some place that has a better cable package than I currently have.”
“Sir, I don’t think it will come to that. I just want to let you know that you really can’t close an account that’s not in your own name.”
I began to dread inquiries about death certificate and power of attorney papers.
After a few more minutes of scrutiny, she said, “Sir, I’ll have to transfer you to the cancellation department. Just tell them your story. Although it’s a bit complicated, I’m sure they’ll be able to work things out with you.”
As I waited to be connected, a new more expedient plan crossed my mind. After all, my ‘simple’ request had already taken more than ten minutes. Being patient and transparent had only complicated matters.
“Sir, how can I help you?” began another friendly voice.
I had a clean slate! Time for my new story.
“My dad recently passed away and my mother would like to close her account with Bell,” I asked calmly.
“No problem sir. I’m very sorry for your loss. When would you like to close the account?”
“Can we do it three weeks from today?” I inquired.
“Normally we require a full month for a cancellation but in this circumstance, that’s no problem. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”
No longer needing to know if penitentiary inmates get NETFLIX, I thanked the agent for her help and breathed a sigh of relief.
Sometimes, it just makes sense to stretch the truth a bit so that you can save your GET OUT OF JAIL FREE card for another day.
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